The Frustrations of Being an Artist
It’s funny how the Universe works sometimes to show us lessons and to see how we manage them. I spent around forty minutes writing this post and it got deleted when the page wasn’t updating after trying to save it. So here I am trying to write it all over again. Of course, it won’t be the same because what comes once doesn’t come back exactly as the first time, especially if I’m channelling something from deep within. But what can I do? If I really want to be heard and share this, I need to re-write it, keep going despite the challenges. That is the whole point of this post.
I was complaining about how difficult it is to succeed as an artist in this society. The system is not designed for artists. It is designed to enslave us exchanging time for money in order to sustain itself. It’s a vicious cycle. The system trains us and conditions us to be someone we don’t want to be, just someone useful for itself. Someone that works eight plus hours a day to pay for childcare or a nanny because we have to be at work instead of taking care of our children. The system uses fear and ingrains it in our DNA when we are in our mother’s womb. Our parents received this conditioning too. They guide us to follow the established path, most likely coming from good intentions, but sometimes fearing we break from the norm, exposing what they weren’t able to achieve for themselves. All those dreams they couldn’t manifest because they were busy being someone else.
I am from the generation of wounded healers. The rebels. The black sheep of the herd. The one that decided to walk alone, to cross the ocean and settle in another continent to follow my own way. There’s many of us doing the same. And once we wake up from this conditioning and discover our true purpose, there is no going back to the old ways. It requires lots of discipline and continuous inner work to manifest this purpose and we are going to be tested time and again. The old ways will creep in, fear and self-doubt will creep in. We might want to go back to the false sense of safety the system provides, just in case. It takes lots of courage to step out from the Matrix! But I believe we can all benefit from it if we learn how to play the game. By helping others to step out, awake their own power and share their unique gifts, we are provided and protected by the Universe. We give and we receive more by taking care of each other.
I heard my calling to play music about ten years ago. A soft tiny voice was whispering a desire to sing and play the guitar. I listened and confronted my fear of being “too old” to learn this skill. I picked up the guitar at the age of twenty-nine and now, almost ten years later, I am writing my own songs and channelling light language that transforms into beautiful melodies. I share these transmissions in healing ceremonies and a new level of empowerment has come to me from this way of sharing. It is very different than singing in open mics, festivals or events. Though I love sharing my songs in these settings, sometimes it is not always the right environment to be fully heard. It is also very different to sing the songs I’ve been practicing for a few years than transmitting live what comes through in ceremony. This is my soul’s purpose and it truly is beautiful to have such a clear direction in my life.
It is not always easy, however. I work part time so I can have time to do the things I love; so I can have time to be in Nature, to be with friends, to give service in ceremonies without burning out, to have time to rest, to paint, to sing, to take things slow, to simply be. This means I have a low income and I live month by month. No savings. No holidays. No possessions. All I own is my cat (if a cat can be owned haha), my laptop, my phone, my camera, my bike, my keyboard and my guitar. I have a few essentials at home of course. A bed to sleep in, a table to eat comfortably, plants for decoration. I spend most of my money in organic food so I can have a healthy diet and deal with my digestive issues. I live a simple life and I’m learning how to be more and more detached from the material world. I recently quit my job. I still doubt if it was the right decision but I led my body to guide me. I was feeling drained, stressed, with little energy to be creative.
How many of us feel that way in a role we play to serve the system rather than ourselves?
Sometimes I feel jealous, frustrated. Everyone around me seem to be manifesting their dreams except me. I’ve been wanting to record my album for the past four years. I don’t have the funds to do it so I started a fundraising campaign. I’m asking the Universe for support. I rely on people’s generosity. It’s been two months since I started it and I’m only 12% close to my target. I don’t even know if I am going to make it. This creates frustration because it is not coming as I want to. I want to give birth to this album so badly tha sometimes I wonder if it is an obsession rather than a true purpose. But I truly want to do it so I can reach more hearts and offer healing all over the world. Music has been my biggest medicine. Hundreds of musicians I’ve heard over my lifetime have contributed to my healing. Now that I have activated this gift, I would like to do the same. I want the world to know what I’m doing. I am using my voice in ceremonies to use the healing energies of music and give back that beautiful soothing balm of vibration and love. Pure higher frequencies from above and within that I am so eager to spread all over. I want to reach hundred, thousands, hundred thousand, millions of hearts and offer healing with the music I channel through this very body. This very voice it has taken so many years to heal. I want the world to know that I am empowering myself by taking the courage to hold space for others with these divine frequencies. I want the world to know that I am ready to give all of me as well as to receive everything I truly deserve; everything I’ve always yearned. My problem is that I want it all and I want it now. I don’t give myself the space to deal with one challenge at a time.
The creative process is all about being patient. Proof of that is this post. It got deleted and I had to write it again. It is a testimony that when something really needs to be expressed and shared, it has to be created no matter the obstacles. One, two, three, dozens of times if necessary. Every song needs to be practiced hundreds of times. An artist do many unsuccessful canvases before settling with the one that feels finished. A poet edits and re-edits a poem until it feels ready to be shared and even after, it always feels like it can change. The creative process never ends. It brings lots of frustrations but lots of rewards as well. Nothing feels as good as creating something, sharing it and inspiring others to do the same. It is empowering and reassuring. It makes me feel I am on the right path.
How to deal with these frustrations? Keep trusting, keep going, keep the faith. That is the only way for me. Complete surrender into the unknown, into the guidance from the Universe, into the ripple effect that comes from being true to myself and persisting to manifest my purpose. A commitment to always clear my vessel so I can receive what needs to be transmitted and shared.
Humbleness and gratitude is essential in this process. Love is the result.
How do you deal with your frustrations? Please share in comments!
Thank you for reading me all this way. If you found this helpful, please share!