How I Developed Confidence in Performance
In this blog post I would like to share with you what I’ve learnt through my experience as a performer. It hasn’t been easy for me to grow confidence, not only in performance, but in speaking my voice in any general context.
I have felt very blocked in my self-expression for many years. It was when I started singing that I became aware of it. Singing was the tip of the iceberg. It slowly started showing me what was underneath my insecurities in expressing myself: trauma.
I experienced a terrible trauma in my childhood, where I learnt to silence my voice to find safety. Not knowing how to set boundaries for myself as these were violated from a very young age, the only way I could be assertive about my needs was screaming.
If I didn’t like something, I wouldn’t say anything for fear of how the other person would react. Likewise, I also didn’t know how to express the things I really liked or wanted to do for fear of disappointing the other. I would feel ashamed if I expressed a desire and I would feel fear if I wanted to set a healthy boundary. Still to this date, I find it difficult to speak in public, even when I work as a facilitator, teacher and performer.
It’s been a work in progress for the last decade of my life, when I started my journey of self-discovery and healing from childhood trauma. Singing has been my biggest dream. Writing and performing my songs have been the thing that brings me the most joy and where I feel truly empowered. It has taken me many tears and years of self-exposure to grow confidence as a performer, and this is what brought me to share this with you today.
Perhaps the words I’ve written here resonate with your own journey. Or you are at a point where you really want to start sharing your creative gifts but don’t know how to take that first leap. Every time you try to do it, you feel terrified. Or perhaps you already took that leap but still feel like you’re missing something that will take you to the next level.
Whatever called you to read me here, welcome. You’re not alone.
Here are the main four things I’ve learnt in the process of building my confidence as a performer.
Practice makes you a teacher.
Like a dancer who needs to practice their routine hundreds of times to feel confident in their moves, so does any type of artist need to practice their instrument.
Every artist has an instrument. For a dancer is their body. For an artist is their drawing and painting tools, their hands, their visions. For a singer is their voice, the vocal folds, their ears and all the diaphragmatic muscles and bones involved in sustaining and pushing the air out. For a writer is their pen and paper, or their laptop, their imagination… You get what I’m saying, right?
Nobody can feel confident in using their instrument if they don’t practice with it. Period.
End of blog post………………
Jokes aside, even though there are more nuances to growing confidence, that one is the number one.
I would like you to ask yourself this question:
How many hours per week do I invest in practicing my instrument? Would it be fair on me to say that I’m not good enough when I’m actually not investing enough time in getting better?
Malcolm Gladwell stated that, 'Researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: 10,000 hours.' 1
Ander Ericsson on the other hand stated that ‘many characteristics once believed to reflect innate talent are actually the result of intense practice extended for a minimum of 10 years’. According to Ericsson, the 10,000 hours was an average and the quality of the practice, as well as having an innate natural talent for something, was also really important. Ericsson speaks of the Beatles as an example of ‘natural born geniuses’ 1
What do you think about this? Is talent something you’re born with or something you cultivate?
I believe it’s a mixture of both.
If you observe children growing up, you can clearly see what things they are more naturally drawn to do, which things they do effortlessly, and which others they struggle with the most. It will depend on their parents how far their children can get in developing their natural talents, by signing them up for lessons where they can learn more skills from a very young age.
Unfortunately, many kids get blocked very early on in their lives when they start to show any interest in a particular artistic field. The main excuse they get is that “art doesn't pay the bills”, or “you really need to be extraordinary to succeed”, or my favourite one, “artists end up being drunk, prostitutes, gay, promiscuous, irresponsible or vagabonds”.
These poor children then become blocked artists who choose to be lawyers or doctors to please their parents and to fit into society's mold. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about choosing these professions. They are valuable and important and if that’s your vocation and what pays for your bills, great. You’ve chosen something that perhaps feels fulfilling on a material level and gives you a level of financial security that also feels safe for you. However, the flame of authentic creative self-expression can never be extinct. No matter how busy you are or how distracted you are, the main gift of being a human is that we can express ourselves creatively and our souls really yearn for that. It doesn’t matter if you want to become an expert, or simply doing it because it's the core of your source of happiness. The point is that our inner creativity longs to be expressed and shared with others.
This last point is the one I really want to focus on. The part where you gain confidence to share it with others.
There are different stages to this. If you are a blocked artist, you probably feel deeply ashamed and unworthy of being heard and seen. You probably feel like you’re not good enough at your art and why bother sharing something that is not finished yet. If you like singing, you probably feel like you need to get all the notes right before you ever sing in public (people might boo you on stage, right?)
Whatever your fear is, let me tell you, you’re not alone in this and everything is solvable. There are ways of working around this and all blockages can be released.
How?
Well, very simple. First, admit to yourself that you have a dream. Whatever it may be. To learn to play the guitar so you can write songs and share them with people. To be able to do portraits. To be able to dance salsa, classical music or breakdance. To ever share the hundreds of poems you’ve written (maybe one day get published?) To crochet a jumper for your mum’s 70’s birthday… Whatever it may be, admit that to yourself and then start working on it.
Once you start walking your walk and embodying your artist by giving him or her a voice, nothing can really stop you to get where you are meant to be.
2. If you don’t start you will never finish.
There’s not an end line when it comes to a dream. It can start as something really small and simple and as you start fulfilling it, it can take you to all sorts of unimagined directions that will keep enlarging and expanding your vision. What started as an innocent desire of learning to play the guitar to sing songs by the fire, can end up taking you to travel around the world to learn instruments from different cultures or different singing techniques. It can lead you to record your own album and to teach others how to sing.
It doesn't really matter where your dream takes you. The important thing is that you listen to it and that you trust yourself in every step of the way, no matter how steep the hill feels at the beginning.
Start walking. The path will unfold with every step you take and the opportunities will meet you along the way.
3. Preparation is key.
Let’s say that you’ve been practicing for quite a few months or years and you feel called to share your practice with others.
This might be one of the most terrifying things you’ll ever do as an artist. Why? Because you are sharing your soul’s voice with people. The essence of your true self. Some people might actually listen and that can be even more scary than being ignored.
You may or may not believe that we are souls in a human body and that is ok. You may or may not believe that the source of our creativity is connected to the source of all creation, call it God or the Universe; and that is ok too. No matter what you believe, the point is that something inside of you wants to express something and that something wants to be shared with someone. You don’t know where it comes from but the calling to share it’s so strong that you feel you need to do it.
We don’t really need to dig deep into the reasons behind your desire for sharing. Perhaps you simply want to be witnessed. Perhaps there’s a need for validation from other people, the one you didn’t receive from your primary caregivers who told you you weren’t good enough at drawing, dancing or singing. Perhaps you want to prove them wrong. Perhaps you want to prove yourself right, that something can actually be achieved when you put your heart and time into it. Perhaps you just want to share your story because you know it’s going to help others if they resonate with your words or lyrics.
It doesn’t really matter what’s the reason behind your sharing. The important thing is that you are ready to share and you are simply terrified by the idea but want to give it a go, even if it’s not good enough, yet.
That’s great and congratulations! You have already overcome many blockages to be able to reach that point.
Now, I’m gonna tell you my biggest secret to gaining confidence…
Roll up…..
Preparation is key.
What do I mean by being prepared?
Well, I mean practicing every day I can. It means giving myself a month to prepare a new piece that has been commissioned, even if it only takes me five minutes to write it. It means that I do lots of research before giving a lecture or running a workshop. It means I read as many books as necessary to learn about a topic I’m interested in. It means I practice hours and hours before the appointment for recording that I have in the afternoon. It means I warm up my voice before a gig, and even before I start my singing practice. It means that I show up with confidence because I have considered all the possible failures that can be controlled by me. That way I can give space to the failures that can’t be controlled and need to be experienced anyway in order for me to grow.
Think about this for a minute.
Imagine that you are getting ready to perform on an open mic night. You’ve done all the work that is needed to be prepared. You’ve warmed up your voice, you practiced a few hours before the event, you feel ready to do it. The possibilities of not succeeding at this are less because you have prepared yourself. Your voice is less likely to break because you warmed it up beforehand. You’re less likely to forget your lyrics because you practiced dozens of times before you left the house. You are feeling more confident as a result of this.
The other side of this however, is that you cannot control how you are going to feel inside of yourself when you do it. You might have practiced 20h in a day, know your song really really well, and when you’re on stage, you’ve completely forgotten all your lyrics, your hands are so sweaty that you can not even play the chords right in your instrument, and all the singing lessons you’ve ever had are flushed down the toilet with the anxiety you feel by being there, seen by so many people that are witnessing your soul for the first time and how you are literally sh*tting yourself and wishing the Earth underneath you opens up and swallows you.
Scary as f….
I’m not gonna lie. It is scary. There are 50-50% chances that you will probably be able to mask your fear and people won’t notice. Or you won’t. You’ll probably cry on stage or you’ll probably have to stop right in the middle of a song because you forgot your lyrics or because your voice cracked.
‘Ok Yhonet, that’s not really very encouraging, I thought you were going to give me tips about how to be more confident in performance?’
Yes, I hear you.
And I am! I am giving you tips, tips of reality. Of course this might not be the experience for everyone but it did happen to me. I always felt like sh*tting myself before a performance. My stomach felt so tight, like if I was on a roller coaster. My hands will be shaking whilst playing the guitar and more than once my voice cracked, like if it was totally broken. Even after years of experience and being a professional musician, I cried on stage not long ago because the song I was singing triggered a trauma release. Those things were completely out of my control and I had to experience them. I had to be a sh*tty singer before I could become a good one. And you know why? Because all of those experiences were lessons that were teaching me perseverance and self-belief. If I didn’t believe I was able to make it one day, I wouldn’t be writing all of this right now. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I’m the living proof of this. Even if I still haven’t managed to record my album, or if I haven’t played in many festivals, I still have many reasons to keep going and I believe in all that I can give.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not the best I can be. My voice keeps cracking sometimes and I still don’t know how to transition my chest voice up to my head smoothly, without looking like a baby is coming out of my vagina. I still tense my face on certain notes and struggle to feel fully confident when I speak in public, or even when I speak to certain people. This is my life’s work really, and it doesn’t shift from one day to the next. It requires a lot of persistence, perseverance and self-belief. And preparation, of course. I need to feel prepared in order to feel confident, and that preparation gives room for improvisation.
If you are prepared, you have more space to feel less scared.
This opens you up to a new world of possibilities. Your creative channel gets open and you are more in alignment to receive and express things that come through in the moment, for which you weren’t prepared. And because you’ve already felt the scary feelings and have held yourself through that by persevering and believing in your potential, you are able to hold yourself with whatever comes through in the moment unexpectedly. That is the beauty of performance.
This takes me to the last tip.
4. Push yourself to do it no matter what.
In a world where self-defeat is a normalised practice; where self-defeat is a given, and it is accepted across all cultures. In a world where speaking about your accomplishments and successes is perceived as arrogant, and could potentially offend others because it might expose the blockages that prevent them from achieving the things their hearts long for; in this world, staying on the audience bench feels safer than actually stepping up onto the stage.
Thankfully, we are building a new world. A world where everyone can share their gifts without fear of offending others or not meeting someone else's expectations as a result. A world where creativity is valued and it’s at the forefront of mental health and wellbeing. A world where everyone’s voices are valued and welcomed on stage. A world where it is ok to fail and start over again. A world where your voice is valuable and your story worthy of being witnessed.
The only way to gain confidence is by doing it anyway. Despite the fears. Despite the mistakes you make. Despite the many times you didn’t sound as you wanted or the many times people could tell you were nervous. Go and do it anyway.
I have written about this in previous blog posts. If you want more details about my journey onto stepping out of my comfort zone with performance, go and read my article How I Confronted my Fear of Public Speaking
In a nutshell, the only thing that pushed my confidence forward was me busking in the streets of Marseille to earn money by sharing my music. I’m not gonna lie, there was something about anonymity that helped. Nobody really knew me in that city and that somehow felt safe. However, when I came back to Bristol, I stepped up on my performance level and started creating my own concerts, something I would have never even imagined doing. I shared a poem in an open mic poetry event and then I got invited to do a whole set in the next event, which I will perform on the 27th of March. If you would like to listen to my poetry, you can join me here
I’m not gonna lie, I still get nervous. I still feel that little void in my stomach, the sweat in my hands and the weavy voice. I still fear that I will forget the lines of my poem or the lyrics of my songs. And if I do, who cares? This life it’s a big stage where we are all performing all the time and we are still alive and ok after making mistakes. Why would it be different on a smaller stage, with a smaller audience that is there for a treat?
I still push myself and do it anyway.
Now it’s your turn.
P.s: I’m facilitating a workshop with my colleague J.Browne where we’ll be sharing practical skills to get more confident in performance. He’s bringing his acting background and I’ll be bringing my knowledge and experience with unblocking the voice. Together we’ll blend multidisciplinary approaches that will enhance your connection with your body, your attunement to relaxation and your ability to project your voice whilst being held and witnessed in a very safe container. Whereas it’s your first time sharing something to a small group of people or whereas you want to strengthen the confidence and experience you already have, this is for you if you feel called to do it. For more info and bookings, go here
Further reading:
1- Carter, B. (2014) Can 10,000 hours of practice make you an expert?, BBC News. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26384712 (Accessed: 26 February 2025).